I Have To Poop

I have to poop.

Probably the most unsexy comment you’d ever hear right?

Lover #1: “Mmmm, you look so yummy. Wanna make out?”

Lover #2: “I have to poop.”

Lover #1:

 

It’s the perfect Escape Route.

Guy At Bar: “Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Girl Who Wants To Be Left Alone: “I have to poop.”

Guy At Bar:

Perfect.

It’s also the best scapegoat.

Dude #1: “Dude, I heard you slept with my sister.”

Dude #2: “Uhhh, I have to poop.”

Dude #1:

There is no refute to the “I have to poop” comment.

What are they going to do? Follow you? Listen at the door?

 
Are you pooping in there?

Not going to happen.

Poop is taboo. No one wants to hear about it. No one wants to speak about it. No one wants to see it. And no one sure as hell wants to smell it.

I remember when my dad got done with his “alone time” in the bathroom a.k.a The One Hour Long Poops.

Everyone cleared the house for a good hour and a half afterwards. No amount of Glade Spray or Candles or Potpourri (sorry mom) would do.

Work places now have those fans in the ceilings that turn on when you flip the light switch…like that’s going to save the next person from a throatful of poopair. I’d rather take my chances with the Glade Spray Can.

But no matter how hard we try, everyone poops. Can’t avoid it. Can’t stop it. It’s going to come out one way or another.


Ewwwwwwwww

And what’s with this nonsense that girls don’t poop? My boyfriend said this ALLLLLLL the time and thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world.


     Oh Yes We Do!

Such nonsense. Of course we poop.

It is here to stay.

What a post eh?

I should probably get back to work.

But alas,

I have to poop.

 

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About delightfulness

One sweet, quirky, delightful individual I am.
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6 Responses to I Have To Poop

  1. BrainRants says:

    Men know women poop, but I think we maintain this image of a fresh-smelling, quick, sanitary experience, with glitter… not what we get, which is bulging neck veins, squinted eyes, need of a gas mask, and the stench of scorched porcelain.

  2. speaking of poooooooop……………..
    if you DON”T have to poop, I know how to make the urge involuntary (haha okay you have to know this isn’t going to be as creepy as it may sound)
    Bookstore Brainwashed Body Control (which just happened to gain me a personal record of views ~1000 in 1 day…hopefully that’s not hyping it up in a bad way…i talk too much)

  3. Lafemmeroar says:

    lmao!!!!!!!!! I’d worry about the constipated ones … 🙂

  4. sparklebumps says:

    I always have to poop. And I’m still sexy. So there.

  5. Pingback: Things To Say When “No” Isn’t Good Enough | sparklebumpsthebookwhore

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