So we have mice here at work (ew) and as I was laying in bed last night thinking about how mouse traps work, I started thinking about my worst work experience from my previous job…a.k.a The Job From Hell.
Here is my story.
It is a Friday. I walk into the office being a COMPLETE disaster. I mean chairs overturned, crap all over the desks, papers skewed everywhere, pen holders knocked over….looked something like this —->
A complete disaster.
So my stress level skyrockets through the roof since it’s at least a 2 hour job putting everything back the way it was.
The Boss walks in and I ask what happened.
That was it.
So I’m thinking this must be one hell of a freaking rabbit to have the entire office overturned. I’m imagining a large black rabbit with coal black eyes and pointy teeth.
So I ask: “Did you catch it?”
The Boss: “No, it’s somewhere here in this room.”
Add rabbit hunter to my list of qualifications.
So I go about the office on my hands and knees to see if I could find this ginormous rabid rabbit.
Now you must understand, this office was DIRTY.
It was an upholstery shop with carpet that I could SWEEP dirt out of. Cobwebs in every corner that would suddenly appear overnight after I would clean. And dirt. Dirt was EVERYWHERE. I mean it too. It was on my desk (I should upload the dirty sanitation wipes I used every morning), it was in the keyboards, the computers, the crooks and cracks and crannies of every surface imaginable. Yuck.
So you can about imagine how thrilled I was to get down and hunt for this rabbit.
Well after about a half hour, I sat real quiet like on my desk and waited. I figured it would pop out if everything was super quiet. It would think, “Hey, it’s safe out there now, I’ll go for a jolly stroll.”
I was right.
It peeked it’s head out of a space between two wall dividers and made a break for the swinging door.
Remember the description I gave of the HUGE GINORMOUS BLACK RABBIT WITH COAL BLACK EYES AND LARGE POINTY TEETH?
Yeah this is what it looked like…
Yep. A real threat that one was.
Well the little booger scooted underneath the door into the next room which was a work room with a wood pile and saws and lots and lots of hiding spaces.
Well I was bound and determined to catch it so it wouldn’t be in the shop all weekend long and built a Tom Sawyer trap…you know…the whole box held up with a stick tied to string getup? Yep, I totally built one.
Went outside and picked some grass to lure the wee little fluff ball in.
That worked very well.
If everyone stayed out of that damn room, it would sneak out to eat the grass.
Now this was one smart rabbit.
Every time I got near, it would hear me and run under the wood pile.
So I had to rethink my ninja strategy.
I rearranged the box so that I could sneak up behind it and pounce, effectively trapping the bunny underneath.
But again, this was one smart rabbit.
It sat veeeeerrrrryyyy still under that box once I had it shut so I couldn’t hear if I had caught him or not.
So when I lifted the box, the little booger ran out.
All was lost.
5:00 rolls around and still no rabbit.
So I tell The Boss and The Old Man (The Boss’s Dad) to open all the overhead doors the next day (there are 4 doors) so the little guy could run out and be free and prosperous.
I go home and live out my weekend.
Well about a week and a half later something started smelling reeeaaallly bad in the back of the shop.
…You can guess where this is going right?
So the guys in the back working can barely take it anymore and come up front to let The Boss know that something has died back there and he should probably look for it to get rid of it.
The Boss laughs a bit and says, “Oh Miss Delightful, it must be your wee little bunny. Must not have caught it on Friday eh?”
My mouth drops open. Literally.
Me: “Did you guys open the overhead doors on Saturday to let him have a chance to run out?”
The Boss: “No, it just a stupid little rabbit. Now, when you have a free minute go and look for whatever the smell is back there.”
People, I am not even shitting you. This is what he said. And instead of getting his very large ass out of his chair and going and looking for it himself, he makes ME do it. The only girl in the office who has a soft spot for cute fluffy things.
I. Was. Furious.
So I sloooowllly walk to the back, dreading what I might find.
I look around with my flash light in the area where all the flies are congregating-having themselves a grand ol’ party.
I get down and start pulling away all these rugs and bits of carpet The Boss had laying there and see rabbit droppings.
My heart sinks even further and the bile rises in my throat.
I get down even further on all fours and shine the flashlight under this seat from a 1993 Chevy Pickup.
Staring back at me.
Is that wee little fluffy guy.
Except he’s not so fluffy anymore.
His skin is moving.
There are so many maggots on him, that he is literally moving with them.
I stand up.
Click off my flashlight.
Walk calmly to the bathroom.
And throw up.
I wipe my mouth and go and tell The Boss where the rabbit was and reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyy wanted to tell him where to shove it.
But I bit my tongue and went back to work.
Why I stayed there after that is beyond me. It’s a sad truth that you need money to survive in this world. If it wasn’t for that, I believe I would have punched him square in his big noggin.
Broken hand be damned.