Happy Halloween all you ghosts, ghouls, and ghastlies!
I think I have gotten too old for Halloween.
I remember when I would wake up all excited to go to school and go to the Halloween Bash.
I would have my costume all packed and ready to go.
My candy in my backpack neatly placed on top of my books to minimize the smushing.
And I would sit anxiously in my desk all morning tip tapping my pencil and bouncing my foot.
Finally. It would be time.
Line up single file to go to the bathrooms to change.
All of us girls would whisper about how excited we were to show off in the Masquerade Parade.
Our parents were invited.
Our teachers would be there.
And we would get a bag of candy for participating.
We couldn’t wait.
Out to the gym we would go.
Arranged by grade.
When it almost our turn, we would freak out.
Tummies would turn and roll.
Breaths came out in puffs and gasps.
Then the lights would dim.
The spooky music would play.
And off we would go.
I can still taste the feeling of it.
Feeling that way was indeed the magic of Halloween.
The magic continued as night fell.
Supper would be eaten.
Dishes cleared and put away.
Pumpkins lit and set out on the door stoop.
And trick or treating would commence.
I would carry several bags with me.
You wouldn’t get as much candy if your bag was really full.
Smart thinking on MommaK’s part.
And we would drive around town.
Stopping at all the houses that had their lights on.
My favorite were the decorated houses.
Some went all out.
With orange and purple and green lights.
Make believe graveyards.
Billowing ghosts and ghouls reaching from me from the trees.
I remember at one house there was a scarecrow sitting at the stoop with an evil grinning pumpkin for a head.
I cautiously skirted around him to get to the door.
The nice old spectacled lady answered the door and dropped a few twizzlers and milky ways in my bag.
Wished me a Spooky Halloween and cackled.
Yes, she actually cackled.
I was creeped out.
And sloooowly backed away down the stairs.
As soon as I reached the feet of that scarecrow.
It gave a little twitch.
So I stopped and moved a little closer, certain I was seeing things.
It twitched again.
My eyes grew wide.
Mouth hung open.
Then it got up and screamed Happy Halloween at me.
I was looking behind me.
Too afraid to take my eyes off of it.
I ran right into the door of our van.
That magic has disintegrated as I have grown older.
I still love Halloween.
I love the spookiness of it.
I decorate my apartment and carve pumpkins.
I watch all of the classic Halloween movies (the good ones like Casper and Hocus Pocus and The Great Pumpkin Patch Charlie Brown).
But that feeling is still missing.
Fun costumes of being a witch on a broom, or a green M&M, or Jasmin from Aladdin has been replaced with Victoria Secret lingerie “models”, girls in underwear shoved so far up their ass it resembles a split moon, and tops so low-cut nipples aren’t for porn anymore….
The costume industry has sullied the magic.
And it makes me sad.
The bars don’t make it any better.
Girls go out in these skimpy outfits to
A: Get laid
B: Get free drinks
C: Get laid
Me, being a straight as an arrow female, do not appreciate looking at girls half-clad.
I don’t want to see your icky tummy hung over your gypsy skirt.
Or your boobs busting out of that bra you call a costume.
Put it all back in.
Cause its gross.
I propose we shove your tummy in a homemade refrigerator costume, and your boobs in a Glinda The Good Witch dress, and your ass in a bumble bee outfit and put you in the corner as decoration.
Or at least keep you home while you hand out candy to trick or treaters.
Which is exactly what I plan on doing.
I’ll be damned if I let the magic die for those young wee ones out and about hoping to fill 4 bags full of nummy candy.
Now if I could just remember where I put my pumpkin head….