Chomp Chomp Slap


I wish I could bite people who piss me off.

Or slap them.

But I’d really rather bite them.

What would the other person say?


They’d be shocked.

It’s too bizarre of a scenario to have a comeback to.

Cause really, who goes around biting people?

Biting sounds better to me than crying.

I’m a cryer.

Since I was little, I have cried about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

Mom pulled my ponytail too tight…

I cried.

I was two minutes late for the bus…

I cried.

When taking a poop hurt…

I cried.

The crying has gotten better over the years.

I still cry when watching Fox and the Hound.

I cried watching Footloose.

And I cry when I get angry.

There’s some intense emotion boiling inside of me when I get mad.

It doesn’t come out as loud bursts from my vocal cords.

It doesn’t sit in the corner of silence.

It pops out of my eyes as hot, salty tears.

No matter how hard I try.

Or squeeeeeeezzeee my eyes.

They still pop out.

It’s freaking annoying.

For once, when I get rolling mad, I want to bite someone instead of standing there crying like a pansy ass little girl.


BF: You messed up my game! Why would you do that? You know how hard I’ve worked to get up to that level.

Me: Excuuuse me, I was picking up your socks.

BF: Next time hunch over or get on the floor. Don’t mess my game up again.







Me: Which company does this invoice belong to?

Coworker: Are you stupid or something? I mean come on. It’s Company XYZ.








Guy at Bar: Aren’t you like 12 years old?

Me: Aren’t you like an asshole?

Guy at Bar: Sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to a 7th grader.





Biting people would give me some sort of satisfaction.

And a way to sharpen my chompers.

And besides, who doesn’t feel better after biting someone?


About delightfulness

One sweet, quirky, delightful individual I am.
Gallery | This entry was posted in November and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Chomp Chomp Slap

  1. I’m a cryer. I never considered biting…until now. If I wind up on the 6 o’clock news, don’t worry, I won’t tell them about you.

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