Periodically throughout the work day I will E-mail my mother.
I E-mail her about things I’ve read.
What’s happening at work.
Smart ass comments.
Well today I had not heard from her.
I counted my sent E-mails.
…I had a lot to say today!
So getting a wee bit worried, I naturally tried to get her attention.
This is the email I sent:
Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2011 2:09 PM
To: Mamma Bear
MOM HAVE YOU DIED?!
HEY YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS COMPUTER!
IS MY MOTHER LAYING GASPING FOR BREATH ON THE FLOOR?
TURNING BLUE FROM CHOKING ON A WALNUT?
OR SITTING IN A COMATOSE STATE STARING BLANKLY AT THE WALL?
GET HER SOME DAMN HELP!
THAT’S MY MOTHER WE’RE TALKIN ‘BOUT!
HER VERY CONCERNED DAUGHTER
I thought I made my point.
And lo and behold, I finally received a response.
This is the reply I received:
Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2011 2:17 PM
Subject: Mamma Bear
I picked her off the floor but couldn’t keep her in her chair. Have her in the lounge taking a nap! Do not fear. There is an ample supply of chocolate for when Mamma Bear wakes up.
And this was my reply again:
Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2011 2:23 PM
Subject: RE: Mamma Bear
Might wanna give her some wine.
Liven her up a bit.
Hehe, I know she’s busy being superwoman.
Just makin sure she didn’t have a stroke!
Or that she didn’t give herself a hernia and was stuck in her chair not wanting to move an inch because of it…
Now, I had thought this conversation was going along terrifically.
My mother wasn’t lying dead underneath her desk somewhere.
Her E-mail was indeed in working order.
She had a sassy friend named Bev.
She was going to be fed chocolate and wine.
And so I sat at my desk feeling righteously smug with myself.
And then I get another Email.
It is from Mamma Bear.
Here it is:
From: Mamma Bear
Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2011 2:11 PM
Subject: RE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in a comatose state staring blankly at the wall.
Cheeky Mother of a Bear.