Well today it finally happened.
I had my overdue big girly stupid breakdown.
I went to bed last night with a headache.
And it followed me into the morning rising.
Now, I rarely get headaches.
And apparently when I get them, I go big.
Because the damn thing is still here.
So with my headache I traipse to work.
Sit down and turn on the machines and gadetry and such and get ready to start my day when…
I. GET. A. FLIPPIN. HAIR. IN. MY. EYE.
This flipping hair decided to get cheeky with me and hide.
No matter which way I rolled my eyeball or how many times I plucked up my lid, it couldn’t be coaxed out.
I don’t think the half-ass light in the bathroom helped either.
It’s butt was half burnt out.
So on top of my headache and the little sneaky hair in my eyeball, I found out that I didn’t get paid for Thanksgiving.
Now, I’m technically a “temp” at my place of employment.
The boss man has had too many people quit on him so he puts us newbies on a 60 day “trial basis.”
So because of this loophole (which by the way, no one thought to mention to me) I am out 2 days pay.
Aaaaaannnnd rent and all of my bills are coming up.
To say that I freaked the fuck out is an understantment.
I almost started bawling right there at my desk.
But I sucked the snot back in, and answered the phone.
Shaky voice be damned.
I crunched some numbers.
And am pretty much going to live on oatmeal and crackers for the next two weeks.
I have considered selling boobie squeezes.
$5 a squeeze?
Sounds good to me.
Ahhh, but the day only got better.
When I remembered that I had a stupid Dr’s appointment at 4…
With Katty Karen.
Dear God Please Shoot Me Now.
Katty Karen thinks she knows more about my body than I do.
Why yes Katty Karen, you do know more about being diabetic than I do.
Even though you’ve only had it for two years and I’ve got 20 on you.
Yes, you do, in fact, know more.
Bite my ass.
This women caterwaulded me into having my blood drawn.
I’ve been giving myself injections since the age of 2 and 1/2 (yes, I had help for a few years there for all you detail hounds!)
Buuuuut the thought of getting my blood drawn or getting a flu shot or whatnot scares the beejebies out of me.
I hold my breath and forget how to expel and inhale oxygen.
The lovely nurse jabbing my arm four times in a row because I have baby sized veins has to remind me to take deep breaths.
There I go.
At this point, I’m at my breaking point.
I’m tired, hungry, cranky, light-headed, and the damn hair is still in my eyeball.
I get in my car.
Hit the #2 on my speed dial…
Wait for her to pick up…
And when she does…
I start waaaaiillinnnggg.
While blubbering about all the wrongs in my life.
My poor MammaK.
She puts up with a lot.
I cry to her the whole way home.
I get inside the apartment.
Run to the bathroom to wipe my nose and avoid the boyfriend.
Because I knew what would happen…
I shuffle out of the bathroom.
Trying to hide my sniffles.
Looking everywhere but his eyes.
And he comes over and hugs me.
And then it begins.
And he puts up with it.
Let’s my salty tears fall in his hair.
What a trooper.
Then he puts on his charm.
Making me smile.
Against my will.
And then he makes me laugh.
Against my will.
What a dick.
But I love him.
So it’s all ok.
He can be a floppy loveable member of the male genitalia if he wants to.
Cause he’s alright with me.