Birth Control

Every teenager should have to babysit for a whole year.

Yes, that’s right.

Make it…

A requirement.

It would be the worlds’ best form of birth control.

Because after last night , I am never ever having kids. Ever.

Here, I shall recount my harrowing tale.

I arrive and am let into the apartment complex by a nice gentleman that was having a smoke break.

I walk in and hear a little girl screaming bloody murder.

The nice man looks at me.

I look at him.

And say, “Yep, that’s mine for the next 5 hours.”

He cringes, mutters good luck, and run downs the stairs to the first floor.

Ok, maybe he bolted.

I’m pretty sure his tread marks are still in the carpet.

 I walk in and S is screaming her head off and bawling.

She had been at it a half hour before I got there and her mom couldn’t quiet her down enough to find out what was wrong.

Well she cried and screamed so much she started throwing up. And continued to throw up throughout the night.

And it was very hard for me not to follow suit.

The smell and look of puke is enough to make me wanna upchuck myself.

So she screamed.

And she cried.

For a whole damn hour. 

When I finally got her to stop sobbing, I put on Rudolph (my favorite Christmas movie BTW) and put her on the couch with her pillow and blankie.

I turn around to grab her sippy cup and what do I see?

B standing up on their counter.

Rummaging through the cupboard.

He wanted a fruit snack.

A Spider Man fruit snack to be exact.

So instead of waiting to ask me for one, the little booger crawls up on the counter to get it himself.

Now, I don’t give them fruit snacks before bed because of the sugar and everything.

These kids on sugar is like watching ten dozen energizer bunnies run in circles for twelve hours.

I usually give them goldfish and a cup of rice milk.

Safe.

Yummy.

And most importantly, void of sugar.

So I went over and grabbed him from behind to get him down and he swung back and elbowed me in the gut.

I now have a huge bruise on my tummy. =(

And then it began all over again.

He scrreeeaaammmmeeeeedddd and started bawling because he wanted that damn fruit snack. 

And he kept trying to crawl past me to get back up on the counter.

So I grabbed a huge plastic bowl, shoved all the boxes of fruit snacks and any candy I could see into it, and put it on top of the refrigerator.

B didn’t like that very much.

His mouth opened as wiiiiidddeee as it would go.

And he screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed some more.

I could actually see the kid’s uvula wobbling back and forth like some demented church bell.

I put him in time out and he continued to scream and cry over everything-the fruit snack, the movie, his slippers.

That continued for another 45 minutes.

After I finally got him to be quiet, we watched the movie until 10:30 and then I “tried” to put them to bed.

They both wanted to sleep in their mommy’s bed.

Ok, sure.

Whatever it took to get them to go to sleep.

After fifteen minutes of shushing them and repeating that it was bed time and threatening to put them in separate rooms and me trying my hardest not to pull my hair out…

B finally fell asleep at 11.

S however kept tossing and turning and tapping her fingers and diddling with the wall and scratching the bed and wiggling her feet.

She didn’t fall asleep until 1:50…

Ten minutes before her mommy got home.

So lovely Delightful is running on 4.5 hours of sleep today.

Birth Control.

A wonderful concept.

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About delightfulness

One sweet, quirky, delightful individual I am.
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8 Responses to Birth Control

  1. yaykisspurr says:

    Maybe instead of consigning yourself to no kids. ever. A little discipline is more to the order. The problem with babysitting is if the parents don’t understand the concept then the little kiddies have no idea what it is either. While contraceptive has it’s uses, a little discipline goes a terribly long way. It’s also terribly beneficial for the little kiddies too. Imagine them 20 and still acting the way they are now…yeah not a pretty picture… 🙂 Like the post. Cheers….

    • Oh I’m sure I will be back to my normal baby wanting self in a few days (or maybe after the Holidays, ha). Reality just kicks in after a night like last night. And a reminder that I am in no way ready to have kiddies. The problem with these two wonderful (most of the time) children is that most of the discipline they do receive is from me. The parents are seperated and are locked in a battle of wills. So one parent feels bad for not giving in when the other one gives these kids whatever their little hearts desire. I am confident that they are going to be monsters when they are school-age ready.

  2. brotheramun says:

    Kids suck! I have 2 of my own and 3 step. I love them all but each of them can work my nerves in their own special way. I agree with yaykisspurr…a little discipline goes a long way; but kids do test their boundaries. Growing up in a black household I could tell you now that bawling out of control did not fly well in my moms house and it does not fly well over here in 2011. I can applaud your patience and ability to work with the little people…because that is one job I could not do.

    • Haha, yes they are a ton of work. But I love doing it. Being the oldest in my family, I didn’t get away with squat. Which is probably why I’m such an “old spirit”. My younger siblings however grew up with looser parental control. My little brother now has the biggest attitude I’ve ever seen in a teenage boy…he reminds me a lot of myself at that age. Moody to boot. I think I’ve learned a lot of positive discipline skills from my time volunteering at the local women’s shelter. I help out in the childcare center every Thursday. The cutest darn kids you’ll ever meet, but each has their own way of dealing with their emotions. I carry that over into babysitting and into any situation I find myself in with little kids. Sometimes though, it’s like Holy Crapola…I actually desire these little monsters someday?! I’m sure all this will come in handy in my future career…so I can’t complain..too much haha. I’m very glad that bawling out of control didn’t get you very far in your household…I think that’s an important lesson to learn. Crying won’t get you your way.

  3. nnicole says:

    It is not polite to laugh at other’s misfortune, however, I couldn’t stop it.

  4. nnicole says:

    Also, good job in not giving in about the fruit snacks. That is exactly how you create a monster out of a kid.

    • Oof, these kids are the worst. They stuffer from the “I want syndrome.” I’ve started to work on the whole “use your polite words” thing with them. We will see how far I get.

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