Every teenager should have to babysit for a whole year.
Yes, that’s right.
It would be the worlds’ best form of birth control.
Because after last night , I am never ever having kids. Ever.
Here, I shall recount my harrowing tale.
I arrive and am let into the apartment complex by a nice gentleman that was having a smoke break.
I walk in and hear a little girl screaming bloody murder.
The nice man looks at me.
I look at him.
And say, “Yep, that’s mine for the next 5 hours.”
He cringes, mutters good luck, and run downs the stairs to the first floor.
Ok, maybe he bolted.
I’m pretty sure his tread marks are still in the carpet.
I walk in and S is screaming her head off and bawling.
She had been at it a half hour before I got there and her mom couldn’t quiet her down enough to find out what was wrong.
Well she cried and screamed so much she started throwing up. And continued to throw up throughout the night.
And it was very hard for me not to follow suit.
The smell and look of puke is enough to make me wanna upchuck myself.
So she screamed.
And she cried.
For a whole damn hour.
When I finally got her to stop sobbing, I put on Rudolph (my favorite Christmas movie BTW) and put her on the couch with her pillow and blankie.
I turn around to grab her sippy cup and what do I see?
B standing up on their counter.
Rummaging through the cupboard.
He wanted a fruit snack.
A Spider Man fruit snack to be exact.
So instead of waiting to ask me for one, the little booger crawls up on the counter to get it himself.
Now, I don’t give them fruit snacks before bed because of the sugar and everything.
These kids on sugar is like watching ten dozen energizer bunnies run in circles for twelve hours.
I usually give them goldfish and a cup of rice milk.
And most importantly, void of sugar.
So I went over and grabbed him from behind to get him down and he swung back and elbowed me in the gut.
I now have a huge bruise on my tummy. =(
And then it began all over again.
He scrreeeaaammmmeeeeedddd and started bawling because he wanted that damn fruit snack.
And he kept trying to crawl past me to get back up on the counter.
So I grabbed a huge plastic bowl, shoved all the boxes of fruit snacks and any candy I could see into it, and put it on top of the refrigerator.
B didn’t like that very much.
His mouth opened as wiiiiidddeee as it would go.
And he screamed.
And screamed some more.
I could actually see the kid’s uvula wobbling back and forth like some demented church bell.
I put him in time out and he continued to scream and cry over everything-the fruit snack, the movie, his slippers.
That continued for another 45 minutes.
After I finally got him to be quiet, we watched the movie until 10:30 and then I “tried” to put them to bed.
They both wanted to sleep in their mommy’s bed.
Whatever it took to get them to go to sleep.
After fifteen minutes of shushing them and repeating that it was bed time and threatening to put them in separate rooms and me trying my hardest not to pull my hair out…
B finally fell asleep at 11.
S however kept tossing and turning and tapping her fingers and diddling with the wall and scratching the bed and wiggling her feet.
She didn’t fall asleep until 1:50…
Ten minutes before her mommy got home.
So lovely Delightful is running on 4.5 hours of sleep today.
A wonderful concept.