I have a worry problem.
When I worry three things happen.
#1. I don’t sleep.
#2. I don’t eat.
#3. I become the fire-breathing dragon that rules the lair of land Cranky.
And lately I’ve been stressing.
I think in the past two days I’ve slept maybe 4 hours or so.
I’ve eaten three meals.
One because my G’ma made me.
And I spontaneously burst into tears.
I can’t help it.
It’s like my body just stops working properly.
I’ve worked nonstop since I was 15.
Held two jobs throughout high school.
Then went on and held one after the other until Sam’s Club.
I was unemployed there for a month after a little riff a tiff with management (note: bosses should not throw boxes at their employees.)
Then back on my feet for a year at the Job From Hell until I finally landed the job I was just laid off from.
Six months of applying and I thought I had landed me a good one.
But of course as we all know, that fish was spoiled.
Stinky, spoiled, rotten.
But! I’m trying to be a Positive Penny.
I have vowed to apply for at least 5 jobs a day until I find something.
I have vowed to enjoy my Christmas.
And I have vowed to be very thankful for what I have.
I am very thankful for my family.
Without them I’d be a boneless homeless fishy fry.
My mother has been amazing throughout all of this.
Talking to me.
Which is very important.
Being alone in my apartment makes me a little…batty.
I become that crazy corkscrew curly-haired woman with ginormous glasses that make her eyes bug out.
And she talks to cats.
I had a full-blown conversation with my kitty today.
Me: Hmm, now that I’ve finished cleaning the kitchen, I should probably vacuum huh Snelli?
Me: Ahhh, but you don’t like the vacuum. I make it roar and you run into walls and doors to get away dontcha?
Snelli: Blink. Blink.
Me: But it has to be done. You shed too much kitty cat. Just look at my leggings! Bleck. I might have to vacuum myself off. Maybe I’ll just sit on you and vacuum you.
Snelli: Narrows her eyes a little bit.
Me: No, that would be too hard. You’re too squirmy. Plus you’d probably poop on me. Would you poop on me Snelli?
Snelli: Looks at me.
I had my answer.
A few other things I’m thankful for:
He has been constantly telling me that I’m smart and amazing and that something better will come along.
It’s hard to be depressed with talk like that.
And he keeps grabbing my boobs.
I’m thankful for meeting new amazing people.
I went and visited Sparklebumps this evening.
She is a very lovely and charming woman.
If you haven’t met her, I highly suggest you jump on your stallion and ride out to meet her.
She is everything I thought she would be and more.
Full of life.
I think I’m in love.
She’s a woman after my own heart.
A lover of books.
She knows what good country music is.
She knows all the right women to choose as her idols.
And she’s very huggable.
Which sadly, I didn’t get to do.
I must remember to hug her next time.
Hugs make everything better.
I think my most favorite hugs come from MammaK.
She’s just the perfect height where I melt into her.
I feel safe and warm and loved.
And she smells like home.
Snelli doesn’t like hugs.
She meows and squirms and tries to get away.
The little brat did attack me earlier…