Tip Your People, People






Ok, I realize times are tough and that tipping your servers might not be high on your priority list, but let me tell you how I feel about it.

To the high school/freshmen college couple that left me $.18 next time…

Keep your fucking change.

It’s more of an insult to me to leave me a dime, nickel, and three fucking pennies than it is to leave me nothing.

I have never been this rude to anyone in my entire life.

All through high school, college, and being unemployed I have always left my server a tip.

We make less than minimum wage people…around $7.25.

You can’t even feed yourself on that wage.

And when I know for a fact you received $1 in your $14 in change and come back to a dime, a nickel, and three pennies…

It makes me want to smash your acne covered baby face into the table.

Tip your severs people…we bust our asses to make sure you are well taken care of.

Now to other customers that aggravate me:

To the customers who have forgotten how to smile…

You must either have had a really fucking shitty day or…

Your head is stuck so far up your ass your lips have gone over your eyelids.


When I am having a terrible night by myself serving on Hell Night and am two milliseconds away from bawling my eyes out…

I still walk my ass out to your table and give you a winning smile.

Because #1: It’s part of my job


#2: Why spread my shitty mood onto you.

Now I have some theories as to why these tight assed old women can’t smile.

Theory #1: They are so old and wrinkly their faces have puckered from drinking too much prune juice and further puckering when they have to shit every two minutes after drinking said prune juice.

Theory #2: You’re sour over the fact that your husband now resembles a dried up apricot.

Theory #3: You aren’t getting any.

So here’s my solution.

Pull the dildo out of your ass, unpucker that face, and fucking smile.

It’s the polite thing to do.

To the women who bitched out my overworked and wonderful manager BadAss because I neglected to tell you that “cheese bread” cost an extra $2 after negotiating you a deal on your soda’s..

Go fuck yourself and I hope your kids turn out to lazy wastes of space who jerk off to animal porn in your basement until the age of 50.

You wanted the FM-Special deal which would have required you to buy a 2 liter bottle of soda.

Instead you wanted to order individual glasses of soda, but keep the same price deal.

After asking a manager about this, and having them reluctantly agreeing, you have the balls to walk up and bitch BadAss out for an extra $2.

Adding to the atrocity is that you are one of the unsmiley old women.

So here is my response:

Seriously, Go fuck yourself. I told you right away that it was only my third day of serving and I was still unfamiliar with all of the specials and prices and was a little slow.

When your fucking extra $2 cheese bread was “taking too long” you sent your brat of a daughter up to the counter to ask where it was…no, I did not forget about you. When I had stopped by your table a few minutes earlier to ask if you needed any refills on your practically free soda’s you were a dumb mute. So I intercepted your daughter, gave her a tight smile and snipped that your fucking extra $2 cheesebread would be out in a few minutes.

You are damn lucky it’s a job requirement to be nice to all customers…

No matter how utterly pruned up, unsmiling, and bitchy they may be.

*Ah hem.*

To the 40 something old man with missing teeth who hit on me…

Don’t ever touch me again.

I have this thing about people I don’t know touching me.

It gives me the willies.

I don’t know if you have herpes or not….

I was minding my own business busing a table when you decided to ask me about my wrist tattoo.

No, I do not mind questions as it is in a foreign language on a visible part of my body.

Then you ask if you can see the colors more closely, and me feeling no immediate threat, put down my tray of dirty dishes and walk over to bend my wrist in the light for you to see.

But when you reached out and snagged my wrist and then started rubbing your thumb over the back of my hand…

It took every iota of my being not to snatch my hand back and slap you across the face with it.

I am a server of food.

I am in fact obligated to be civil.

I am however, not obligated to allow myself to be touched by some stranger with missing teeth.

No this would not have made a different if he had all his teeth or was younger…or hotter…

It’s still touching me.

Herpes people…herpes.

So next time you are a rude, non-tipping, non-smiling, grabby customer…

Just remember that people like me are serving you…

And you just never know what we are thinking behind the smile…


About delightfulness

One sweet, quirky, delightful individual I am.
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14 Responses to Tip Your People, People

  1. andy1076 says:

    I can’t stand cheap tippers, i always tip minimum 10% and if i like the service and intend on coming back. I tend to tip at least 15% then. It’s not just a rule, but courtesy but don’t expect everyone to understand the meaning of the word 😦

    • I wish everyone did that. There’s a handy little app out there that figures out how much you “should” leave as a tip. I understand not tipping well if they were rude or unfriendly, but jeepers..people need to give us new kids some slack! I like the idea of calling it a curtesy….I may have to capitalize on that.

  2. erikwalsh says:

    You’re a cheap tipper!

  3. sparklebumps says:

    Fuck thoses fucking fuckers. 🙂

  4. runitjojo says:

    Hope you felt better after that rant! I always tip BUT I never tip bad service, like when someone really does not care and it’s very obvious about it, but that’s rare…like a plane crash

    • Haha yes, I have a generalization about waiters/waitresses…we generally are a happy bunch. Till someone pisses us off. Then we just turn our wrath on that table and go about our merry ways with the rest of the customers.

  5. Having waited tables before, I never leave less than a $5 tip…even if the service is shitty. But since I am in Florida, and you are not waiting tables here, that really doesn’t help you. I was seriously considering leaving my interesting and rewarding career as a paralegal to serve food, you may have just fixed that.

    • Ahhh, yes but you’re job sounds like the office scene from the movie Wanted…that’s enough to drive me batty too. I put up with that crap for a whole year at my old job and would not like to repeat the experience. I hope they don’t push you around and demean you the whole time you are there…. Waiting tables isn’t so bad. I do like the tips from normal customers who appreciate the fact that I work my ass off for them. Aaaannnnnd I do have to admit that some of the more pleasing customers (Ah hem hot guys) make most of the other shit worth it. I love eye candy. =)

  6. You appear to be dazzling and amazing and I’m already in love with you. But, you have to admit that there are some really shitty servers out there. And there is bad service. It might not always be the fault of the server but, the server is the individual providing the service. If the kitchen or bartender screws up an order that causes the server to get a bad tip, then the server should throw a fit at the kitchen or the bartender … not the customer that received bad service. I think it’s wrong for a server to EXPECT a gratuity rather than EARN a gratuity. http://wp.me/p1se8R-2dm

    Do you follow the Bitchy Waiter at http://thebitchywaiter.blogspot.com/? If not, give him a chance … I think you’ll really enjoy his blog. Because you ROCK!

    • Why I find you to be dazzling as well! I quite enjoy your diatribes and ovations. =) Yes, I will concede that there are shitty servers out there that do not in fact deserve a gratuity…but I can’t help but feel miffed when those of use who bust our ass to make sure the experience is at least pleasant receive nada. I only leave $1 if I thought the service was crappy and hope that next time the server will be in a better mood. I have found that observing them sometimes helps pinpoint the origin of their rudeness (a crappy customer at another table or an asshole boss) and then I feel bad and try to make it easier on them by cleaning up after myself before I leave and leave them their tip..even if they didn’t earn it in this case. I do not follow him, but he sounds like a hoot and will promptly begin reading his posts! Thank you and you ROCK too!! xoxo

  7. wsj2day says:

    i have nothing to add!!!! excellently stated; let’s hope those who need to hear it, heard it!!! “tipping is not a province in china”

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