Breaking

Have you ever felt helpless to help someone you love?

I’ve felt that way three times in my entire life.

One of those times is tonight.

The first time is when my Grandpa Eddie passed away.

It was sudden.

Unexpected.

And I am a very empathetic person.

What this means is that…I tend to feel what everyone else is feeling.

Everyone’s pain on top of mine…

And there wasn’t a single blasted thing I could do about it.

I couldn’t make my Grandma happy again.

I couldn’t repair the rift that happened between my mom and her sisters.

I couldn’t.

Do.

Anything.

And it still hurts time to time when I think about it.

I’m still not entirely sure I’m quite past my own grief.

The second time is when my sister’s shitty ass boyfriend broke her heart…

Again.

This time for good.

She called me crying and asked me to drive home.

It was 1am.

I had to work the next day.

Yes…..that was my “reason” for not rushing home to my baby sister.

And it is a decision I deeply regret to this day.

It was her first heartbreak.

And I failed her.

And felt miserable because of it.

I still feel miserable.

Damn work to hell.

It’s not as important as my family.

And I have firmly made it a belief in my life never to let it be again.

Work will come and go.

My family will always be there for me.

As they always have been.

I just hope my sister forgives me for not being there for her…

And tonight…

A very dear friend of mine is going through the same thing

And I feel helpless…

I don’t know what to say.

I just want to rush out and give a big hug.

Make the hurt go away.

My own heart is breaking…

I want to kick these guys in the nut sack for making my loved ones feel this way.

They deserve to be happy.

They deserve to be loved.

I have decided…

Let the junk punching begin.

Even if it is a temporary fix….

There will be a small amount of satisfaction to be had.

 

Advertisements

About delightfulness

One sweet, quirky, delightful individual I am.
Gallery | This entry was posted in January and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a thought.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s